I can’t see back

I don’t know how to move forward 

You made me stop looking every direction but into your eyes 

And then you closed them 

Survival means
I love you to the point 
I can’t think about you 
It’s so strong 
If I let myself feel you
The thought of you being gone alone
Can kill me
So don’t let anyone speak your name
To me 
And try if you could to from now on 
Stay out of my dreams 

Quiet

A lot of quiet the bud takes
Like medicine
Spoonfuls of quiet to make
Lightness
Oceans of quiet to break
Through the tightness 
To bloom with the sounds
That brighten 
Otherwise long winter nighttimes

Escape 
Everything
Together 
The way above all
With our minds to be new 
Every breathe out
Releasing 
The thoughts of others
Fears from the world 
Of all that we 
Would have changed 
On the same wave
Never breaking
Growing stronger 
I, never sinking 
You, made of wind 

Quiet now
All I can do is watch
The words of your works 
From the mouth of your movements
Call the deeds from the dust
Form the day from the dusk
Rise the sun with your lust 
For my ears need to hush
And my heart needs to know 
My skin so tired of these bindings
My mind longs to wander calmly
My sight has been too long blinded
the only time I’ve heard yet has been lying 

So speak to me with your hands 
Without touching me
Speak to me with your eyes 
When you think I can’t see
Tell me with every part of you but your tongue what you want to feel
And then speak to me with your mouth but without a sound 
From the soul of who you are 
Where you don’t remember what part of you is you 
Or is everything 

It

It is what it is
It was what it was, 
It will be whatever it will be
And can be anything it’s able to
But it won’t be what it can’t be
and it wasn’t what it wasn’t 
It isn’t what it isn’t 
And shouldn’t have to try to be
Or have been
But it can be what it wasn’t 
It is always more than anyone is aware
And less than any tears fallen over it
It is never anything less than love 
Or the lack of it

Love is presence
Not promises
Family is time shared
Together 
Life is a moment 
In the spirits symphony
Love makes us alive
Nothing alive ever really dies

As you are
Some days I miss you more than others
Wishing you are quite where you are not
So then I send you off in my mind
To protect my heart

That’s all there is to do 

when someone wonderful is gone 

- make up pretend reasons 

why they aren’t as great 
As you are

 Is there any bit of magic left for me?

Any part of the unknown to delightfully surprise me?

Someone not too crass or crude to find innocently smiling?

Something like a father or grandmother to hold my hand and guide me?

Or sing to me, tell me fairy tales, brush my hair and say goodnight to?

Soliloquy

The sounds of others are other people's sounds 

They sound the same in some ways 

but foreign to my ears when from another source 

I hear them spoken back 

somehow my words confuse my ears 

but say it’s me 

So strange to be told anything by yourself 

I can only tell my future self what I want to do 

in my future self whisper and back through time attempt (I will not say futilely because who knows what traveling physicists may someday accomplish?) 

Perhaps I’ll send my voice back to myself 

to change the things I would say 

next time around 

I’ll start with a warning 

and when that changes everything I’ll tell myself to celebrate 

and also remember to donate to the time traveling crowd

Opening the wound is scary
The degree of pain uncertain 
Enduring the injury again, and until when?
The open heart welcomes illusions, that poor houseguest 
Infects the mind with his stories
Even when he goes, leaves ready his nest to return any moment 
As the knife went in, it must go again 
To release every oozing infective reaction
Is the only way
Through tears
The heart may heal again 

I push up from the floor

Not because I’m happy

I rise into the air

Not because I’m light

I dance 

Because it is my fight

When I am most sad

Against the earth 

And the weight of all the world

That wants to bury me 

I break the bonds that hold me down 

Momentarily stomp on all that came before me

Reverse the time that wants to own me

And with a breath of air I fly 

Back to heaven

For a glimpse of eternity 

Then return to all life 

That is nothing more than a dance

While the drummer humors us

By playing

The creatures of the sea
Call to me
Move away from the certainty of day
Hide away from all the pain
In the valley of our rain
 
The creatures of the sea 
call to me 
With the earths sweat 
they wash away our silly playthings
None of the running around matters
In the valley of our rain 

The creatures of the sea welcome you
Come to play, come to stay 
Leave your fears, and tears don’t matter here 
I promise you everything is here forever 
In the valley of our rain

I was somewhere else in my head
When you were looking at me
And everything I’ve ever gotten I deserved
But I haven’t gotten it all yet
Not the good, especially not the bad
But we are born pure
And if we ever find that purity again
After our minds are ravaged 
From newborns to willful adults 
Then we have witnessed the truest miracle
If all I have is myself, 
I have everything
Still I wish I was also the sole owner
Of a time machine

I came all this way
With all the power I had left
And it didn’t matter 
You pulled me into your world
And then you left it
What should I say?
What’s left to do?
I feel like sleeping for a thousand years
I wish I knew how to forget 
In the moment love feels the truest
It’s just mirrors, smoke, and a slip
Of the hand

Religion Destroys God (Love)

I was your cognitive dissonance 
And you were my sweet surrender 

I was what your beliefs forbid
And you were my guilt free pleasure 

I was the one you said you couldn’t live without 
And you I see when my eyes close 

You said destiny gave us true love 
And I don’t know how to unlove you

But I know why god never speaks with our words

And I know why angels never show off wings from heaven

There is nothing but pluses and minuses

Everything evens out from beginning to end

Beliefs are the work of destruction

Facts built the temple of the Almighty One

And it's not what you think

But the love you forget

That defines where you get to end up

The bigger I wanted the earth to be,
the smaller it became

I wanted to see new things, 
but the more I saw 
the more it was all the the same

I wanted people to be different somewhere else
But they never were

I wanted Gods to be more true, more real, more loving, but they were always what people made them
And people always made gods like themselves

I wanted the truth to be bendable
I wanted the air to be smooth

I wanted the water to be breathable 
I wanted reality to let me make it move 

I wanted all people to be free
All men, all women, all children
I wanted a planetary party 

I wanted it all
In exchange for all of me
I was willing to give everything

I only landed here

From the starry night 

I didn’t know in what wars my skin would find to fight me

Didn’t pray for the gods who only seem to want to smite me

I just came here with a song

Without words

I didn’t know that the tongues of men would try to divide me

Never asked for their binding laws to entwine or misguide me

My eyes still see everything blurry

In the ocean 

Without fins or wings, the floaty air waters freely confuse me

Never know whether the sky or the depths need better to excuse me

I find my feet useless 

And all that I have

On the dirt that holds me, reaching out to the people who hurry me

Only waits for my day to end, and for fate to, with a strong wind, bury me

The trees were thick and the right path out could only be seen from deeper within the the labyrinth and never found again as it enclosed itself behind me

If breaking the whole world and everyone in it would have turned back time, I would have done it, to take the right way out of the forsaken wood

But would it have made a difference?

What light even lies outside of those woods?

Paradise or pits of fire?

Is what I would kill to run back to something that won’t kill me quicker?

A bite of truth feels better than a million lying kisses

Theories never fed my breath, food never calmed it

I feel myself lost in a forest of flames again

Burn all the cities, leave me in the dirt with a shovel and a pick

I will dig a grave for lies, I will carve a paradise that never dies

Surroundings

Quagmire
appeared to be solid ground
yet not quite holding me
as I stepped in and found
a devil behind every rock
an evil mud trap
strange haunting sounds
sunk under thinly twisted roots
only when I got out I saw
it was just a bunch of dirt 
and water laying around
with no such thoughts or words
in fact itself trapped down
lounging lonesomely
and I strolled in
of my own accord

Clickish

Clicks

carry all the weight today

of all the things

that should have been said

not saying

Block

like there’s no tomorrow

click back

like it’s all okay

withholding hugs and voices

It’s so easy now tapped into

cyber life, my electronic friends

click, I love you, click, get out

yet a tad inconvenient

for my beating heart

Are you online?

Cause I’m laying it on the line

and not that we should stop electric vibes

but I don’t only want to join

your digitized tribes

I want dirt and sweat and smiles warm

and blood and tears and hugs 3D

else, what did we even come here for?

I don't want flowers

I don’t want flowers

except if you bring me to them

I don’t want chocolate

unless we are sharing it

I don’t want kisses

from someone a lot like you

I don’t want any kind of love

if it doesn’t come from you

Forsaken

If you turn your back on me

and look elsewhere

I will also turn the other way

and dance across the circle

of the earth

until we are one again

face to face

nose to nose

and I am 

unrecognizable

unto the reunion

of our eyes

and you no longer know

who I am

but that we are

family

and all the hearsay

that lived between us

dies

things we really need

I don’t want you 

to come back

because you forgot some stuff 

at my place 

I want you to walk away freely 

with your stuff

and return remembering 
you found the space

to be free

in my heart

Love is strange

Love is strange, 

love breaks my heart, 

and asks me to smile. 

It pulls out hopes and poems, 

it pushes through me in tears 

and children. 

Love goes from me 

in different directions 

and comes to me 

from more 

unexpected places. 

Love is the little things, 

over and over, 

and over again. 

The little things 

we think have died,

in fruits that rotted 

long ago, 

the little seeds that sprout 

long after hope’s 

gone long forgotten 

Undefeated

Take my peace

or give me death

today my enemy

you are

tomorrow, my father

I will come back 

innocent 

you will have no choice

but smile to me

we will always win

No contest

If I could choose to use

a time machine or space ship

it would be no contest

give me time to go back

taste the things of the past again

fight the future we ended with

Crimson Cry

I bleed this blood 

its mine

not to kill with pills

nor stuff away the sight of

my origin 

your life line

what society seeing 

has no time for

the war in me 

the carnage

fights every day

each moon brings

sometimes regular

sometimes childlike

Over you

It seems I have cried

my last tear

Even then 

I tried to conjure 

the absence of you

to feel something 

the pain of lack 

but none was left 

I quite prefer smiling 

anyway

Kassandra

I hear everyone, and you

I feel every heart adored 

I see every soul, and yours

has or will ever live, becomes me

born and will ever give themselves up

whether or not I let them be

my mind tries out your words 

twist around the spiral staircase 

of your pupils, I run down 

into some deep hum 

your voice of god 

soothes some little girl I always was

cursed with no surprises

though I fake it, to hide my wiles

I want what we need

I know the way there

but again on deaf ears

fall my advices

I know everything 

you think

I feel everything

you feel

I see everything 

you are

Everything

And still remain 

unseen